Fear Among the Rapids
Today’s Time Warp topic is Fear. Want to know more about the Time Warp, hosted by the lovely Kathy? Go here.
I have written about fear a number of times. But I really liked this post. Maybe because it has a Mr. Rogers story in it. Mr. Rogers makes everything better.
Revisiting this post, I was struck by two things.
1) I was recently at my parents’ house and I found the Mr. Rogers book. It was inscribed to my BROTHER, not me. Doh.
2) I really like the lesson Mr. Rogers imparts:
“Because deep down, we know that what matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What really matters is helping others win too. Even if it means slowing down and changing our course now and then.”
Lately, I’ve heard a new criticism of the ALI community: that we create an audience that enables those suffering from fear. That our supportive comments perhaps keep bloggers in a static place where they don’t “smile” all the time and perhaps even keep them from being happy for others.
Honestly, I was aghast to hear this.
We blog because no one understands us in our daily lives. I have read so many ALI bloggers write about their TTC journeys and so many of them have mentioned a few universal fears: that they won’t be able to to conceive, that they will lose a pregnancy and that they wish they didn’t feel punched in the gut when they see friends and family easily get pregnant. But they do.
I felt these things, too. I felt like a freak in my day-to-day life, because no one understood. During my pregnancy, I was dropped by another pregnant friend (who had no trouble TTC) because she didn’t like my attitude. I was too fearful and anxious for her.
Well, I had good reason to be afraid. I had suffered a miscarriage and gone through 3 IVFs on my way to that pregnancy.
I remember when I was single, a popular pick-up line was: “SMILE! You’d be beautiful if I could see you smile.” It never, ever worked on me.
First of all, I smiled a lot back then!
Second, don’t dictate my emotions to me!
Look, we all put on fake smiles in the real world.
I don’t think we need to put them on HERE, in our spaces, where we can bond and share and be supported and EVEN CHALLENGED by people who have gone through what we have gone through.
Fear is a true emotion. I acknowledge that all of you feel it too. And I support you in acknowledging that fear.
Because like Mr. Rogers, I’d like to support you all on your journey, whether it be a path to adoption, fertility treatments or a life childless/childfree.
Mr. Rogers is right. We all win when we help each other.
